...and boy are my arms tired...

I just got back from down under and boy are my arms tired. But not from flying. Apparently the Aussies had never seen an Asian before, so they figured the best thing to do with me would be to put me on a steam ship and have me box a kangaroo. As you can see, things got pretty gruesome. Luckily the fight was stopped in the third round due to performance enhancing drugs being found in old Kanga's nookie nookie pouch. Seems that homeruns aren't the only things you can hit while on the juice. Add unwitting Asians to the list. Anyway, I'm glad to be back. I'm tired of marsupials messing up my vacation makeup and frumping my one-piecers. (Thanks to Rich for the pics. Next time you can help a brother out instead of just sitting there and laughing you SOB.)

images.google.com/provo

I did a google image search of the word "provo" and this is what came up. There are no words I can say. No words.

When things aren't going your way...

Sometimes you just have to get pissed off like a Scot. Start throwing pea gravel and slandering people's flocks and ancestors. Bad-mouth potato famines. Drink really thick ale and sleep with women whose forearms are larger than their calves and whose calves are larger than this guy's goiter. Sometimes you have to put aside the Emily Pehrson and put on the Doug Degraw. Start hating on video games and s%#t. Enough is enough, you know.

Just a warning

This article from CNNMoney.com is just a warning to all of you that might be thinking about investing in private real estate in the near future. It's time to get back to the good-old standbyes of internet pornography and baccalaureate degrees in English if you want to make some real money. I'll be wiping my butt with twenty dollar bills while you all are still wondering how you ever went wrong with hardwood floors.

I refuse to:

be persuaded to date dead chicks. I absolutely will not do it. Call me conservative or whatever you like, but I simply do not have the time or patience. Plus, how do you really know how she died? Autopsies are not 100% accurate. She could have committed suicide or been mauled by a bear or something. I refuse to date another chick that's been mauled by a bear - dead or alive.

Maui Wowi

Here's a picture of Me, Dave, and Ellie in Hawaii. We had a wonderful time. Dave ended up getting a strange tan line but other than that things were perfect. We're so proud of our little Ellie. Such a beautiful girl.

Calm down everybody...

After an unexpected amount of backlash from the last post, the editor of this blog has decided to make a clarification. The picture from the last post has been altered from its original state. George Bush is not actually eating a kitten. I'm sorry for any hurt feelings or offense that anyone may have taken. In the original version of the photo, captured by renowned photographer Stefan Sleski, the President was actually taking a bite out of a small Iranian child. Again, I am sorry for any offense that this picture may have caused.

The Editor

aaaaahhhhh SNAP!

And he's back! Law school has raised our lazy blogger from his cave of hibernation. Get ready kids...this year moderate sarcasm will be replaced by dark cynicism, player hating, blunt racism, and pictures like this!