NOTICE!

This site is permanently moving (temporarily) to garredlentz.blogspot.com in order to conserve both bandwidth and brainpower.

Ok, Van Halen

Please label the following:

a) the rock star
b) the curious elbow
c) the defiant one
d) starved for attention
e) japanimation (hint: not asian)
f) in need of a shave

Lady Liberty

You deserve it, America.

The Stefasaurus

"Do you have a picture of her?"

"I sure do."

"Wow! That's her? What's she doing?"

"Winning."

"Huh. How do feel when you see that?"

"........Proud. Damn proud." (wiping away tears)

Memoirs of a Mustachio

There are 6 things in this life that a man is intrinsically and inescapably drawn towards. 6 things (besides sex) that pull like a black hole all matter, space, and reason towards them. They are (in ascending order of potency):

   6) Movies that promise they'll make you feel the same way you felt when you watched Top Gun for the first time.

(sub-list of the ways Top Gun made you feel the first time you saw it):

i) inspired to join a noble cause just so you could be the hot, chauvinistic, male-whore class clown.
ii) willing to follow Kenny Loggins into the nether-reaches of the danger zone
iii) comfortable enough with your own sexuality to play volleyball in just jeans
iv) emotionally sensitive enough to quiet your breathing at Goose's passing
v) 2 words: bad. ass.
vi) just go ahead and buzz that f-ing tower, ghost rider.

   5) Excitebike, Tecmo Bowl, and up up down down left right left right b a b a select start.

   4) Girls that you feel you'd be doing a favor by dating and yet mysteriously still aren't attracted to you

   3) Nudity. Public mass non-sexual nudity. On a beach? Sure. In a hotel lobby? You bet. Outside your MTC dorms? Why not. For the next 10 days in Kauai? You better believe it, sucka. 

   2) Peeing outside. (Which I hear, despite being man's best friend, is woman's worst enemy.)

   1) Growing a mustache. (Also an enemy to many a woman.) As Dickens said: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and we had a mustache through it all." It doesn't matter what state of life you're presently in, I can guarantee that somewhere deep inside of you there's a little voice saying, "Go ahead and grow that little lip eyebrow. No one's going to get hurt. Don't listen to those detractors trying to tell you that it means you've given up. On the contrary, my brave little pervert. Mustache...means...VICTORY!" 

Where's Waldo?

"Dude, don't wear that stupid hat."

"Why not?"

"Because you're going to look like one of those crazy Japanese tourists."

"Japanese tourists don't wear stupid hats."

"Sure. And they don't carry around big gaudy cameras, either."

"You guys are idiots. Completely invalidated stereotypes."

Photogenic?

"The girls, the girls they love me..."

Come in, come in...

Don't worry. You're in the right place. We've just done a little rearranging around here. A little overhaulin' because we're haulin' A into the future. No more sitemeter to catch stalkers. No more ugly layout to frighten away new visitors (ok, so the layout's only marginally better). No more crying babies. No more world hunger. No more gout. What we have here is a blog for the 22nd century, plopped into the lap of the 21st. Much like string theory, but even more difficult to understand.

What if you peaked at 3?

Life...at 3 years old. Tuxedos, flashing lights, beautiful women (my mom), limousines, pumpkin-pie haircuts. What if your entire life was a denouement? If the only thing you had to live for was another day slightly less remarkable than the last? Welcome to "This Old Life." I'm your host, Garred Lentz.

I'm Ready

It's time to unhitch the old baggage wagon and let these ponies run. I think I'm ready to date again. Hide the silverware and can-openers.

3Form Chronicles (episode 1)

"It's going to seem kind of nerdy."

"Oh I don't think so at all. It will be cute."

"Doesn't it seem like something you'd do in 5th grade?"

"Do you really care what other people think?"

"Look, if you can handle it, I can handle it."

"Deal?"

"Deal. Matching outfits it is."

President Hinckley

I loved President Hinckley and today was a hard day for me. I miss him like I knew him. And I'm happy he is with his love again.

Oh those Peking Acrobats

LITTLE CHINESE PEOPLE UP TO THEIR OLD ANTICS IN 8 DAYS FROM NOW! MY SOUL IS NIGH UNTO BURSTING.

New Improved Polls! (now no longer just for Polocks)

The Polls are coming! The Polls are coming! Just don't tell the Germans. Please take a moment and respond to the poll on the right. My life depends on it.

I'm Still in Love with This Woman

Oh Cyndi...even after all these years...

A Poem for the Heart

Ooh baby do you know what that's worth?
Ooh heaven is a place on earth.
They say in heaven, love comes first...
We'll make heaven a place on earth
We'll make heaven a place on earth
We'll make heaven a place on earth.

What quaint surprises might await '08