RIGHT NOW! (a few days later)

NOTICE!

2008-09-19T21:50:00.005-06:00

This site is permanently moving (temporarily) to garredlentz.blogspot.com in order to conserve both bandwidth and brainpower.

Ok, Van Halen

2008-07-30T21:34:00.007-06:00

Please label the following:

a) the rock star
b) the curious elbow
c) the defiant one
d) starved for attention
e) japanimation (hint: not asian)
f) in need of a shave

Lady Liberty

2008-07-09T01:44:00.000-06:00

You deserve it, America.

The Stefasaurus

2008-05-24T06:45:00.006-06:00

"Do you have a picture of her?"

"I sure do."

"Wow! That's her? What's she doing?"

"Winning."

"Huh. How do feel when you see that?"

"........Proud. Damn proud." (wiping away tears)

Memoirs of a Mustachio

2008-04-26T10:34:00.005-06:00

There are 6 things in this life that a man is intrinsically and inescapably drawn towards. 6 things (besides sex) that pull like a black hole all matter, space, and reason towards them. They are (in ascending order of potency):

6) Movies that promise they'll make you feel the same way you felt when you watched Top Gun for the first time.

(sub-list of the ways Top Gun made you feel the first time you saw it):
i) inspired to join a noble cause just so you could be the hot, chauvinistic, male-whore class clown.
ii) willing to follow Kenny Loggins into the nether-reaches of the danger zone
iii) comfortable enough with your own sexuality to play volleyball in just jeans
iv) emotionally sensitive enough to quiet your breathing at Goose's passing
v) 2 words: bad. ass.
vi) just go ahead and buzz that f-ing tower, ghost rider.

   5) Excitebike, Tecmo Bowl, and up up down down left right left right b a b a select start.

   4) Girls that you feel you'd be doing a favor by dating and yet mysteriously still aren't attracted to you

   3) Nudity. Public mass non-sexual nudity. On a beach? Sure. In a hotel lobby? You bet. Outside your MTC dorms? Why not. For the next 10 days in Kauai? You better believe it, sucka.

2) Peeing outside. (Which I hear, despite being man's best friend, is woman's worst enemy.)

1) Growing a mustache. (Also an enemy to many a woman.) As Dickens said: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and we had a mustache through it all." It doesn't matter what state of life you're presently in, I can guarantee that somewhere deep inside of you there's a little voice saying, "Go ahead and grow that little lip eyebrow. No one's going to get hurt. Don't listen to those detractors trying to tell you that it means you've given up. On the contrary, my brave little pervert. Mustache...means...VICTORY!"

Where's Waldo?

2008-03-30T17:57:00.002-06:00

"Dude, don't wear that stupid hat."

"Why not?"

"Because you're going to look like one of those crazy Japanese tourists."

"Japanese tourists don't wear stupid hats."

"Sure. And they don't carry around big gaudy cameras, either."

"You guys are idiots. Completely invalidated stereotypes."

Photogenic?

2008-03-30T17:42:00.007-06:00

"The girls, the girls they love me..."

Come in, come in...

2008-03-26T23:56:00.003-06:00

Don't worry. You're in the right place. We've just done a little rearranging around here. A little overhaulin' because we're haulin' A into the future. No more sitemeter to catch stalkers. No more ugly layout to frighten away new visitors (ok, so the layout's only marginally better). No more crying babies. No more world hunger. No more gout. What we have here is a blog for the 22nd century, plopped into the lap of the 21st. Much like string theory, but even more difficult to understand.

What if you peaked at 3?

2008-03-22T21:25:00.007-06:00

Life...at 3 years old. Tuxedos, flashing lights, beautiful women (my mom), limousines, pumpkin-pie haircuts. What if your entire life was a denouement? If the only thing you had to live for was another day slightly less remarkable than the last? Welcome to "This Old Life." I'm your host, Garred Lentz.

I'm Ready

2008-03-11T00:26:00.003-06:00

It's time to unhitch the old baggage wagon and let these ponies run. I think I'm ready to date again. Hide the silverware and can-openers.

3Form Chronicles (episode 1)

2008-02-28T18:51:00.002-07:00

"It's going to seem kind of nerdy."

"Oh I don't think so at all. It will be cute."

"Doesn't it seem like something you'd do in 5th grade?"

"Do you really care what other people think?"

"Look, if you can handle it, I can handle it."

"Deal?"

"Deal. Matching outfits it is."

President Hinckley

2008-01-28T18:28:00.001-07:00

I loved President Hinckley and today was a hard day for me. I miss him like I knew him. And I'm happy he is with his love again.

Oh those Peking Acrobats

2008-01-24T21:30:00.001-07:00

LITTLE CHINESE PEOPLE UP TO THEIR OLD ANTICS IN 8 DAYS FROM NOW! MY SOUL IS NIGH UNTO BURSTING.

New Improved Polls! (now no longer just for Polocks)

2008-01-18T19:23:00.001-07:00

The Polls are coming! The Polls are coming! Just don't tell the Germans. Please take a moment and respond to the poll on the right. My life depends on it.

I'm Still in Love with This Woman

2008-01-10T06:56:00.001-07:00

Oh Cyndi...even after all these years...

A Poem for the Heart

2008-01-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

Ooh baby do you know what that's worth?
Ooh heaven is a place on earth.
They say in heaven, love comes first...
We'll make heaven a place on earth
We'll make heaven a place on earth
We'll make heaven a place on earth.

What quaint surprises might await '08

2008-01-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

Jentry

2007-12-29T16:11:00.000-07:00

I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree

A Terribly Frightful Halloween

2007-10-31T11:55:00.000-06:00

Blogging is for Homos

2007-09-24T17:01:00.001-06:00

Like the title of this post suggests, blogging is for homos.

Sorry Dave

2007-06-20T08:39:00.000-06:00

I have nothing new to report. All of my time is being dedicated to finding the cure for work.

Innocence in Austin

2007-05-20T12:26:00.000-06:00

Who would have thought? Who can honestly say that they expected this sudden and drastic change in heart? And to think that it happened right here, right in the capitol and soul of fiery Texas. After desecrating sacred Mayan ruins in Mexico, humiliating Christian-based basketball squads over international waters, and nearly getting kicked out of the entire city of San Antonio, six young men (Garred, Richard, Jon B., Jon R., Sammy, and Jentry) finally came to Jesus. Citizens of Texas...sleep well tonight. And forever.

Doo Dah Doo Doo

2007-05-14T10:02:00.001-06:00

Think about your dad.

220...221. Whatever it takes

2007-05-03T08:06:00.001-06:00

This video is funny because of the last 2 seconds.

Charlotte's Favorite Video

2007-05-03T08:04:00.001-06:00

Click and watch...if you dare.

No One Will Believe We Don't Drink

2007-04-28T09:44:00.000-06:00

There's no way at least half of these dudes aren't drunk off their pink arses. (Especially Dave, Garred, Jon, Paul, and Scotty.)

This Man... in 6 Days

2007-04-28T09:35:00.000-06:00

For all of you that don't get to spend a week on a boat with this man... I'm sorry.

Ode to Spring

2007-04-28T09:13:00.000-06:00

Ode to Spring

Ere the summer sun doth glare
A golden hue doth light the air
To signal weather calm and fair
The boys are out to play.

Dave is light and country fair
Mark a man with dashing dare
Jentry long without a care
A handsome trio gay.

Now the sun descends its stair
It's warming rays no more to share
The sky, the moon is soon to tear
The curtains of this day.

Good night, Dave.
Good night, Mark.
Good night, Jentry.
Good night, Spring.

Sherpa Shame

2007-04-28T09:04:00.000-06:00

Here is a rare photograph of the true work that goes on behind the scenes on Everest's summit. Keep smiling, white people. The first will be the last and the last will be the first.

Such a Disappointment

2007-04-19T16:48:00.000-06:00

Cho Seung-hui

This guy is unequivocally out of the family. As spokesman of the Asian Empire, I take all asianness out of him. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Glad You Were Born

2007-04-15T18:54:00.000-06:00

Dave,

On this most special of days for all of us, we wish you all the best in your world travels, pursuit of dreams, pistol whippings, and healing from the clap. We love you. You truly are shat-tastic.

Sincerely,

Garred, Ellie, and the Asian continent

Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?

2007-04-12T12:40:00.000-06:00

Ode to This Guy

Blue suit, 80's hair.
Gold chains, Sexy glare.
Michael Jackson?, Don't you dare.
Purple axe, Medium rare.
Satin smooth, makes you stare.
Colts v. Bears, I don't care.
Thrown on stage, my underwear.
Will you sing at our fireside?

Punished It

2007-04-08T18:02:00.000-06:00

Extreme Unction...punished it. Just a word for those in the know.

A Blast from the Past

2007-02-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

'Twas the season to be jolly. Unless you were a helpless Asian passed out after a little too much Christmas cheer. Leave it up to Jentry "H Bomb" Miskin to keep the hits rolling. My poor daughter could only stand by and watch as her father was run over by a reindeer.

2007-02-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

This picture deserves to be on my blog.

A Poem for Valentines

2007-02-14T15:10:00.001-07:00

What you gonna do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

A Poem

2007-02-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Anna Nicole Smith died this week
And I fell for a girl that was in love with
Another man.
Bitchin'.

Music of the Week - "We Three Kings" by the Roches

2006-12-11T15:14:00.000-07:00

"Flat." That's the way my brother McGarren describes this trio of sisters from New Jersey. "It's a style," I say, but he's not convinced. So I leave it up to you to decide. Combining "church choir music, traditional Irish folk, rock, country, and pop," (as described on their own website), these sisters cook up unpredictably beautiful harmonies out of traditional Christmas fare. Like most Christmas collections, "We Three Kings" is an eclectic grouping of both the reverent and the rowdy. "Star of Wonder" certainly is a wonder of yearning and serenity, while "Frosty the Snowman" does nothing to hide the fact that New Jersey is alive, well, and in your face. This CD (or better yet LP if you can find it) may take some getting used to, but once you're hooked, you're hooked. Give it two good listens before making any snap judgments.

Yes, McGarren, these sisters are flat like Keira Knightley, and just as intoxicating.

Music of the Week

2006-12-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

Sexy sexy sexy. And a mite mysterious. Emiliana Torrini's second album, Fisherman's Woman, offers a pleasant leap from the pseudo-Bjorkness of her debut sampling Love in the Time of Science. While "Sunny Road" stands the best chance of catching air time with its sweetly strong melody and Emiliana's impish voice, "Today Has Been Ok" captures the soul of the entire album in what I like to call the sugary female answer to The Helio Sequence's "Blood Bleeds." The whole set, laid over acoustic guitars and light percussion, is innocently seductive, if such a thing exists. Fisherman beware: your woman is about to get a lot of play.

En Memorium

2006-11-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

In memory of our little blogger, we post his favorite picture. This picture will remain on afewdayslater until the sun turns black and the heavens fall on us all. Rest in peace.

RIP October 28, 1979 to November 28. 2006

2006-11-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

Afewdayslater regrets to inform all of its readers that our little blogger took his life ealier today. Just before jumping to his death, our little blogger muttered the words "It's all downhill from sheep girl. I have nothing left to give." We, the editors and staff of afewdayslater, should have recognized the huge toll that "Magnum Opus" took out on our little blogger. We take full responsibility for his demise and hope that our efforts to carry on his legacy through afewdayslater will be a memorial to his life and creativity.

have a very kurdish christmas

2006-11-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

This post is for Charlotte. There was an article in the SL Tribune that seriously made me lose bowel control (in the bad way). But being the eternally sunshiny person that I am, I found the silver lining to the story: the subdivision in this article makes BYU seem not so bad after all.

Magnum Opus

2006-11-20T02:16:00.000-07:00

This is it, folks. The pinnacle of all things blog-worthy. Many of you have probably noticed that I haven't written anything for over a month. I'm sorry to those of you who desperately check this site everyday hoping for just a morsel of lifeblood. (You know who you are.) But don't think that this short sabbatical was time wasted. No. On the contrary, the last month of my life has been exclusively dedicated to creating the Single Greatest Blog Entry in the history of spacetime, including all future entries that may follow. I haven't slept for 744 hours. I have been searching for the right words to say, the right message to convey. Everything seemed trivial and unoriginal. And then, as if by some sheeply miracle, I remembered an obscure picture that I linked to in my September 26th post entitled "When things aren't going your way...." There she was, my magnum opus, tucked away in obscurity. People, I hope you have been wiser than I have been. I hope you recognized the genius and endless intrigue of this photo long before I did.

What is going on here? We need to take a minute and analyze all the information that we're getting in this deceptively simple snapshot. Yes, there's a girl in a cottonball sheep costume. But there's so much more. Where in the hell is she? The answer is not so simple. Take for example the bed on the right. Is she in a bedroom? If so, who's? Look closer. Why is there a chalkboard on the wall? And what is that enigmatic planar equation? Does it tell us where Heaven is? Does it foretell the end of the world? Now look at the wall on which the chalkboard rests. Sound-proofing tiles. Where are we? The list goes on. The shrine-like poster, the ethnic woven backpack purse on the chair, the discarded jeans, the two pair of boots, the lamp pointing in the wrong direction, the mechanical contraption in the box, and so on and so forth. People, this is it. This is both the enlightenment and the darkness. The Ying and the Yang. The hip and the hop. There will be posts in the future, just as there have been posts in the past. But none will eclipse what we have experienced here today.

Mark your the calendars

2006-10-18T13:56:00.000-06:00

Mark your calendars...twice. Borat is coming to theaters November 3rd. Instead of Christmas donations this year, let's all go see this movie instead. Is nice!

BALLS!

2006-10-12T10:57:00.000-06:00

This guy decided he wasn't going to be a victim of "bottled up" agression anymore. I take out my frustration vicariously through him. Children be warned.

...and boy are my arms tired...

2006-09-30T13:01:00.000-06:00

I just got back from down under and boy are my arms tired. But not from flying. Apparently the Aussies had never seen an Asian before, so they figured the best thing to do with me would be to put me on a steam ship and have me box a kangaroo. As you can see, things got pretty gruesome. Luckily the fight was stopped in the third round due to performance enhancing drugs being found in old Kanga's nookie nookie pouch. Seems that homeruns aren't the only things you can hit while on the juice. Add unwitting Asians to the list. Anyway, I'm glad to be back. I'm tired of marsupials messing up my vacation makeup and frumping my one-piecers. (Thanks to Rich for the pics. Next time you can help a brother out instead of just sitting there and laughing you SOB.)

images.google.com/provo

2006-09-27T09:24:00.001-06:00

I did a google image search of the word "provo" and this is what came up. There are no words I can say. No words.

When things aren't going your way...

2006-09-26T22:07:00.001-06:00

Sometimes you just have to get pissed off like a Scot. Start throwing pea gravel and slandering people's flocks and ancestors. Bad-mouth potato famines. Drink really thick ale and sleep with women whose forearms are larger than their calves and whose calves are larger than this guy's goiter. Sometimes you have to put aside the Emily Pehrson and put on the Doug Degraw. Start hating on video games and s%#t. Enough is enough, you know.

Just a warning

2006-09-25T13:26:00.000-06:00

This article from CNNMoney.com is just a warning to all of you that might be thinking about investing in private real estate in the near future. It's time to get back to the good-old standbyes of internet pornography and baccalaureate degrees in English if you want to make some real money. I'll be wiping my butt with twenty dollar bills while you all are still wondering how you ever went wrong with hardwood floors.

I refuse to:

2006-09-25T11:06:00.000-06:00

be persuaded to date dead chicks. I absolutely will not do it. Call me conservative or whatever you like, but I simply do not have the time or patience. Plus, how do you really know how she died? Autopsies are not 100% accurate. She could have committed suicide or been mauled by a bear or something. I refuse to date another chick that's been mauled by a bear - dead or alive.

Maui Wowi

2006-09-22T11:02:00.000-06:00

Here's a picture of Me, Dave, and Ellie in Hawaii. We had a wonderful time. Dave ended up getting a strange tan line but other than that things were perfect. We're so proud of our little Ellie. Such a beautiful girl.

Calm down everybody...

2006-09-22T10:33:00.000-06:00

After an unexpected amount of backlash from the last post, the editor of this blog has decided to make a clarification. The picture from the last post has been altered from its original state. George Bush is not actually eating a kitten. I'm sorry for any hurt feelings or offense that anyone may have taken. In the original version of the photo, captured by renowned photographer Stefan Sleski, the President was actually taking a bite out of a small Iranian child. Again, I am sorry for any offense that this picture may have caused.

The Editor

aaaaahhhhh SNAP!

2006-09-21T15:09:00.000-06:00

And he's back! Law school has raised our lazy blogger from his cave of hibernation. Get ready kids...this year moderate sarcasm will be replaced by dark cynicism, player hating, blunt racism, and pictures like this!