Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
There are 6 things in this life that a man is intrinsically and inescapably drawn towards. 6 things (besides sex) that pull like a black hole all matter, space, and reason towards them. They are (in ascending order of potency):
6) Movies that promise they'll make you feel the same way you felt when you watched Top Gun for the first time.
(sub-list of the ways Top Gun made you feel the first time you saw it):
i) inspired to join a noble cause just so you could be the hot, chauvinistic, male-whore class clown.
ii) willing to follow Kenny Loggins into the nether-reaches of the danger zone
iii) comfortable enough with your own sexuality to play volleyball in just jeans
iv) emotionally sensitive enough to quiet your breathing at Goose's passing
v) 2 words: bad. ass.
vi) just go ahead and buzz that f-ing tower, ghost rider.
5) Excitebike, Tecmo Bowl, and up up down down left right left right b a b a select start.
4) Girls that you feel you'd be doing a favor by dating and yet mysteriously still aren't attracted to you
3) Nudity. Public mass non-sexual nudity. On a beach? Sure. In a hotel lobby? You bet. Outside your MTC dorms? Why not. For the next 10 days in Kauai? You better believe it, sucka.
1) Growing a mustache. (Also an enemy to many a woman.) As Dickens said: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and we had a mustache through it all." It doesn't matter what state of life you're presently in, I can guarantee that somewhere deep inside of you there's a little voice saying, "Go ahead and grow that little lip eyebrow. No one's going to get hurt. Don't listen to those detractors trying to tell you that it means you've given up. On the contrary, my brave little pervert. Mustache...means...VICTORY!"
Sunday, March 30, 2008
"Because you're going to look like one of those crazy Japanese tourists."
"Japanese tourists don't wear stupid hats."
"Sure. And they don't carry around big gaudy cameras, either."
"You guys are idiots. Completely invalidated stereotypes."
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Life...at 3 years old. Tuxedos, flashing lights, beautiful women (my mom), limousines, pumpkin-pie haircuts. What if your entire life was a denouement? If the only thing you had to live for was another day slightly less remarkable than the last? Welcome to "This Old Life." I'm your host, Garred Lentz.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
"Oh I don't think so at all. It will be cute."
"Doesn't it seem like something you'd do in 5th grade?"
"Do you really care what other people think?"
"Look, if you can handle it, I can handle it."
"Deal. Matching outfits it is."
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Who would have thought? Who can honestly say that they expected this sudden and drastic change in heart? And to think that it happened right here, right in the capitol and soul of fiery Texas. After desecrating sacred Mayan ruins in Mexico, humiliating Christian-based basketball squads over international waters, and nearly getting kicked out of the entire city of San Antonio, six young men (Garred, Richard, Jon B., Jon R., Sammy, and Jentry) finally came to Jesus. Citizens of Texas...sleep well tonight. And forever.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Ere the summer sun doth glare
A golden hue doth light the air
To signal weather calm and fair
The boys are out to play.
Dave is light and country fair
Mark a man with dashing dare
Jentry long without a care
A handsome trio gay.
Now the sun descends its stair
It's warming rays no more to share
The sky, the moon is soon to tear
The curtains of this day.
Good night, Dave.
Good night, Mark.
Good night, Jentry.
Good night, Spring.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
On this most special of days for all of us, we wish you all the best in your world travels, pursuit of dreams, pistol whippings, and healing from the clap. We love you. You truly are shat-tastic.
Garred, Ellie, and the Asian continent
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
'Twas the season to be jolly. Unless you were a helpless Asian passed out after a little too much Christmas cheer. Leave it up to Jentry "H Bomb" Miskin to keep the hits rolling. My poor daughter could only stand by and watch as her father was run over by a reindeer.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Monday, December 11, 2006
Yes, McGarren, these sisters are flat like Keira Knightley, and just as intoxicating.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
What is going on here? We need to take a minute and analyze all the information that we're getting in this deceptively simple snapshot. Yes, there's a girl in a cottonball sheep costume. But there's so much more. Where in the hell is she? The answer is not so simple. Take for example the bed on the right. Is she in a bedroom? If so, who's? Look closer. Why is there a chalkboard on the wall? And what is that enigmatic planar equation? Does it tell us where Heaven is? Does it foretell the end of the world? Now look at the wall on which the chalkboard rests. Sound-proofing tiles. Where are we? The list goes on. The shrine-like poster, the ethnic woven backpack purse on the chair, the discarded jeans, the two pair of boots, the lamp pointing in the wrong direction, the mechanical contraption in the box, and so on and so forth. People, this is it. This is both the enlightenment and the darkness. The Ying and the Yang. The hip and the hop. There will be posts in the future, just as there have been posts in the past. But none will eclipse what we have experienced here today.